The best new diet? Being skeered!
I haven’t eaten anything at all today, a bite of one thing or two and I am stuck. It seems being scared is a great way to get rid of your appetite.
My mom went in the hospital last night and now we are waiting on a bone scan and biopsy to be done. It’s strange how when you have to worry about the things that really matter in life, your perspective on yourself changes.
I don’t eat because I am hungry or because my body needs it to sustain life. I eat because it’s important to me, it’s my comfort, friends, addiction……. I never realized before how selfish the act of overeating is. It takes money, my time, my energy, my love, my sadness, parts of myself that should go to others…that I should share.
I am sitting here waiting on all of these tests and find that food is one of the last things I care about. The center that I was going to go into for the bulima suddenly doesn’t even seem like an option. Why would I eat too much? Why would I throw up? Why would I give that much of myself over to something like that at this point?
The answer is, I won’t. I won’t allow the food to control any of this situation at all. I am sure it would be easier to eat an entire pizza right now that face the reality that is looming. What would that accomplish? Would that give comfort to my mom, or to my family? Would it make this all just go away? No, it wouldn’t and it won’t.
The things I am about ready to face are things that I have to face. That is without my old friends, the food and the bulimia. I must face this with a sober mind and clear thoughts.
These are the things and times that matter in life……this is all there is.
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Good for you for being so open and honest with yourself. You are a very stong person to face what you are. Good for you and good luck. I’m sorry about your mother, hopefully everything will be okay!
I know what you mean. I am waiting for some results from my dad too this afternoon.
My mom had her results three days ago. Not good. I understand. Brace yourself, you will need all your strength if things go south.
Sorry about your mom.
I hope that everything is okay with your mom.
hope all goes well with your mom and i really appreciate your honesty and you decision to see waht matters most to you right now. it is hard to do tough times without our old friends, but here are new friends!
Hey.. hope things are going better for you. Stay positive even if things go bad. Easier said than done, I realize. But a positive attitude is always more productive than a negative one.